He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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