you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
