Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
