my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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