The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
