idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
