she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
