I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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