my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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