jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
