Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
