I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
