I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
