Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Who died my cat blue again?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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