So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
