beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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