Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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