Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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