that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize