i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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