If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
