I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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