I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
send nudes
from the living room?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
