I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
