I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
