I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
