you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
