OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
