I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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