at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize