Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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