I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
