Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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