Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I have feelings that need drinking.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
