doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
