I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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