she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
