very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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