Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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