TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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