i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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