you mean i was at the winter classic?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize