look no pants
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
