haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So many bounce houses so little time
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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