Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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