She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
