I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
