I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
