Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
