You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize