Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
