if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
