peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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