I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize