Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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