he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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