every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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