I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
