Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Even my vagina gasped.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
