i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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