i was born a porn star she said
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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