I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
