i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
