Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
