I faked an abortion last night.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
